Dear Blake,
I am 9 and in the fifth grade and I love my teacher and I want to marry her. She is really nice to me, so does that mean she will marry me? I don’t understand grown-ups sometimes, so I wanted to be sure.
Signed, Billy
From Houston, Texas
* * * * * * * *
Dear Billy,
It is normal for a child your age to want to marry his teacher. But if the feelings are mutual, tell your parents to file a complaint at the nearest police station. I have a few questions for you. Has your teacher ever made you stay after school, and while playing some gangsta rap, while she danced staring at you intensely? Has she ever suggested that when your mommy and daddy goes to sleep, for you sneak outside and meet her at a night club or a liquor store? Did she secretly buy you a cell phone? If she’s an attractive blonde and has never done any of those things, national crime statistics suggests that in time, more than likely she will. And one other thing, if you can go online, I would strongly suggest that you google the words, “cougar”, and “predator”, and then the phrases “plea bargain” and “parole board”. I hope this helps.
Blake