BREAKING NEWS – Leonberg, Germany – Volkswagen CEO Martin Winterkorn stepped down on Wednesday, succumbing to intense pressure after the German automaker admitted to cheating on U.S. emissions tests. Winterkorn, who led the 78-year-old company since 2007, came under scrutiny following revelations that nearly half a million of Volkswagen’s diesel cars in America skirt clean-air laws. “As CEO I accept responsibility for the irregularities that have been found in diesel engines and have therefore requested the Supervisory Board to agree on terminating my function as CEO of the Volkswagen Group,” Winterkorn said in an announcement. “I tried to do those ungrateful Americans a favor after I finally forgave them for bombing Berlin in 1945 without provocation. And now I hope the lines at their DMVs are so long, that many of the people waiting in them drop dead from exhaustion!”