Dear Blake,
I’ve finally found him! The man who has it all! I’m madly in love and have never been so happy. There’s just one problem. I also have a chance to move to the Big Apple, something I’ve been dreaming of my whole life. He hates New York and refuses to move. Do I choose the man it took me forever to find? Or the city I’ve always dreamed of?
Signed, Gloria
From Bar Harbor, Maine
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Dear Gloria,
It sounds like you have to make a life changing decision. Since statistically speaking most relationships don’t last, you’ll eventually be miserable no matter which one you choose. Let’s look at the pros and cons of each. You want to move from a nice quiet small boring town with very few career opportunities, to a place where you’ll probably get carjacked within hours of entering the city. Your town more than likely perpetually smells likes dead lobsters, and NYC smells like whatever is left in restaurant dumpsters that’s not fought over and taken by rats, stray cats, and homeless people. To be blunt, your relationship will be doomed if you moved to the Big Apple, and you’ll be just as miserable if you stay in fish town. So here is what I suggest. Go to NYC without him. If he really loves you, he’ll take you back after you get strung out on drugs, wandering the streets in a daze, because you were duped by some huckster that promised you that he could make you into an anorexic super model. But, even if that were to happen, you could eventually pack the pounds back on by having a steady diet of calorie rich overpriced hot dogs sold on every corner by unregulated street vendors. I hope this helps.
Blake