Dear Blake,
I’m having a problem getting over my ex-boyfriend. I still love him but I don’t think he feels the same. How do I get over my ex?
Signed, Charlene
From Santa Monica, California
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Dear Charlene,
They say “time heals all wounds”. That may be true, but your wounds will heal even faster if you inflicted a few of your own. Here are some suggestions. Start rumors about him that he has an incurable highly contagious disease that can cause a person’s chest to explode like that scene in the sci-fi thriller “Alien”. You can also tell people that he has an extremely warped mind, and he often hangs out with predators that are also Catholic priests. Set up a phony Facebook page using his name, with “him” bragging about being a career criminal, including being suspect to several brutal hatchet murders of women he met on Craigslist. If you don’t want to do all that, try focusing intently on one of his character flaws so much, that the thought of him literally makes you violently vomit. But generally speaking, “time” is your best friend. Thirty years from now, you’ll look back at this period and laugh, especially if he ages terribly. But if you’re impatient and you want to see how he would probably look thirty years older, and you want to see it right now, try to get him hooked on crystal-meth for about six months. I hope this helps.
Blake