Dear Blake,
I have been married for 10 years. I recently found out that my husband has been recording me with his phone at various times without my consent when we have heated arguments. He claims he does it to protect himself in the event that I try to have him arrested. There is no abuse in our marriage, and I have never threatened to call the police on him. I’m hurt and paranoid now. I don’t even want to be in my own home. He claims to have deleted the files, but I don’t trust him. Any advice would be helpful.
Signed, Lucy
From San Diego, California
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Dear Lucy,
What your husband is doing is both disrespectful and creepy. You obviously find his behavior unnerving, so the only thing you can really do at this point, is for you to display some behavior that’s considerably more disturbing and/or irritating than his. For starters, only speak to him in Vulcan. Tell him that he has to watch every episode of Star Trek to figure what you said, unless he wants to attempt to contact Mr. Spock during a séance. Or, you can respond to him exclusive through text messages by only sending him one word at a time, which means it will take around 24 hours to send him a single sentence. If he wants to record you with his phone, then you should start recording him strategically placing cameras all over the house. When the camera in the kitchen records him having dinner, edit it later and put in the sound effects of some hideous monster eating another animal it just killed, and then post it on Youtube. And if none of the previous suggestions works, this last one will get his attention. Every time he is standing in front of the toilet relieving himself, play a laugh track on some speakers in the bathroom, that sounds like a studio full of women. If he demands that you do not put that on Youtube, tell him you would never do that, but you can’t promise the actions of the women who are looking at the video as a live feed on your Facebook page. I hope this helps.
Blake