BREAKING NEWS – Des Moines, Iowa – Former Vice President Joe Biden is the frontrunner to be the 2020 Democratic presidential nominee, yet he is lowering expectations regarding the first two primaries in 2020.
“Do we think we have to win Iowa? No,” answered Biden speaking to reporters. “Do we want to win Iowa? Yes, we do. We think we’re going to win; we know it’s going to be a dogfight. The same thing is true in New Hampshire. But the truth to the matter is, we have to campaign in states in a method that their culture can relate to. People who live in New Hampshire are proud people. Anytime I go there, I always try to get the citizens to look up at me while they wander aimlessly throughout autumn as if they are in a drunken stupor, while they stare at the colorful leaves on the ground. I also try to visit their hospitals and offer some encouraging words to the patients that are admitted hourly around the clock, that were injured while walking on one of their old rickety wooden bridges in post cards, that unfortunately collapsed. And we know in Iowa, only very few of the people have ever seen an airplane, and the fastest they have ever moved in their life was the top speed of a tractor. But I am always willing to meet and greet Iowans during their daily gatherings in corn fields.”