Dear Blake,
Recently, family members have started texting to inform me about personal, private matters. When they do, I text back, which sometimes leads to lengthy paragraphs. I wish they’d just call me! I’m beginning to wonder if that’s what they are avoiding. I should add that I am not feuding with my family. Am I wrong?
Signed, Ralph
From Lansing, Michigan
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Dear Ralph,
Texting is very impersonal, and I agree with you. So, if you want them to call you, the next time one of them texts you about a personal matter, give them some shocking/disturbing advice, that’ll prompt them into calling immediately… as their hair stands on end. Here are some suggestions. If someone says they are having financial problems, tell them to start selling illegal drugs, but never charge more than the fair market value to grammar school students because they are vulnerable and don’t much about business transactions. If they are having problems with their kids, tell them to drop them off at a bus stop in a neighboring state, and while they are trying to make their way back home, pack up and move. If they have an issue with a relative, tell them to sucker punch them at the next family reunion while wearing some brass knuckles. Lastly, if they are in a dilemma with their boss, tell them to slash his/her tires after putting a stick of dynamite in the exhaust pipe. And encourage them to wear earplugs to suppress the sound of the explosion, but remove them so they can hear the sirens as the police are pursuing them in a high-speed chase. I hope this helps.
Blake