Dear Blake,
How do I get my husband of 20 years to stop lying and hiding things from me? I have tried explaining to him that when he lies or hides things, especially small petty stuff, it makes me wonder what else he has lied about. When I confront him after catching him in a lie, he flips the script to make it about me and makes me feel like I have done something wrong. He also tries to manipulate me by bringing up my past or boasting about how I will never find a better man.
I’m at a loss because he shows no compassion when I am visibly upset. He doesn’t try to make things right, and he never admits to anything I call him out on. We end up in a huge fight/argument when I try to express my feelings. Please help.
Signed, Lenora
From San Diego, California
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Dear Lenora,
It seems to me that your husband has some serious issues regarding lying. If you want to help cure him, you should start telling what appears to be even bigger lies! Here are some suggestions. Prepare for him what you refer to as a “special meal”, and next to it have a list of common household liquids that reads “these are things that if ingested, will kill.” Explain that the list are things you want to avoid, and then insist that he dines, while you watch intensely, wearing a smirk. Or, get dressed up really nice and tell him you’re going out with some girlfriends, and the overnight bag that you’re carrying with sexy lingerie must have “accidentally” fell into the luggage. Or, tell him you probably won’t find a better man, but you see no harm in looking to see if he’s correct. And lastly, this idea. Tell him how much you love him and need him, but refuse to comment when he sees on the kitchen table, a signed contract you made with a hit man, that’s stapled to his life insurance policy. I hope this helps.
Blake