Dear Blake,
My husband and I have been together for three years. In that time, he has refused to step up. He shows up late for work 90% of the time, and sometimes doesn’t show up at all. He has been fired because of his behavior. He does what he wants with no regard for others, although he says he feels bad about hurting people when he does.
I do a lot for him, and I feel like he doesn’t appreciate anything or even acknowledge it. He recognizes that he needs to step up, but refuses to put in the effort. For Christmas, he bought me earrings. The earrings were cute, but I don’t have pierced ears, and I feel it’s a detail he should have known after three years. Am I wrong for feeling like I should return the favor and stop putting in effort?
Signed, Phyllis
From St. Paul, Minnesota
* * * * * * * *
Dear Phyllis,
You obviously married a worthless insensitive bum. The only thing I can suggest, is to aggressively try to change the ways of that mindless slug. Here are some ideas. If he’s constantly late for work, get up about an hour before he needs to, and shout in his ear with a megaphone, “Get up!” Hopefully he’s not in a job that will fire him because of his increasing hearing loss that you’ll be causing. You said he does what he wants with no regard for others. Stop buying groceries, and eat breakfast on the way to work, lunch at work, and have dinner with some friends regularly over their place. This will reduce your husband to near starvation, and if you have any pets, hide’em. Or this idea. Those earrings he bought you for Christmas, remind him that your ears are not pierced, and when he’s sleeping pierce his… with a nail gun. And finally, this last idea. Only pay for half the bills, and secretly save what you can on the side. If he steps and starts doing his fair share, great! If he doesn’t, hopefully you’ll have enough saved up, so when the house gets foreclosed on, and the sheriff throws your property on the front lawn, you can laugh at your husband while walking away, as you go to your new apartment… that’s leach-free. I hope this helps.
Blake