Dear Blake,

My wife and I have a 19 year old son that is the laziest, most disrespectful person I know. All he wants to do is sit around the house and drink. We want to throw this freeloader out, but we don’t have the heart to do it. What do you suggest?

Signed, Brad

from Kankakee, Illinois

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Dear Brad,

Try this. Buy a full grown pit bull, and don’t feed it for about a week. And then the next time your son is really drunk, pour some dog biscuits down his shirt and pants in front of your new pet. The district attorney probably won’t be able to figure out exactly what happened, and even if he/she does, if they have teenagers, they probably won’t prosecute you. I hope this helps.

Blake