Dear Blake,
I have a very wealthy 92 year old grandfather that’s a retired lawyer. Unfortunately, he’s also one of the meanest people I have ever met. In the past, he’s even sued family members. He has cut everyone out of his will except me, because I am the only one that has never made him angry, mainly because I avoid him like the plague. But I know that it’s just a matter of time before he gets mad at me, and at that point, he said he’ll leave everything to charity. Yesterday he invited me to spend a weekend at his mansion next month, so he can determine if I am worthy of his assets. What should I do?
Signed, Warren
From Seattle, Washington
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Dear Warren,
We all have at least one relative that has very undesirable personality traits, that family members are reluctant to interact with. However in this case, you should honor his request, and more importantly, start scheming, because that old geyser is loaded. Here are some suggestions for you. When no one is around, threaten to put his dentures down the garbage disposal unless he gives you power of attorney over all of his property. Because you live in Seattle, drive him to a homeless shelter in Spokane or Tacoma. When you drop him off, tell them that you saw him wandering the streets telling people that he’s Clarence Darrow and Perry Mason. The more he states that he’s really a successful retired attorney, the more insane he’ll appear to be. It would be even more believable if you placed an empty bottle of whiskey in his gnarled hands. But if you don’t want to drive that far, go to the shore of Pacific Ocean, put him in a canoe and push it out. But make sure it’s the right season to do that, because you would have wasted your time and money if there aren’t any killer whales swimming off shore looking for an easy meal. I hope this helps.
Blake