Dear Blake,
I just got engaged and I need your advice on three things. How much should I spend on the engagement ring, the wedding, and where should the reception be held?
Signed Ross,
From Springfield, Illinois
* * * * * * * *
Dear Ross,
There are a lot of variables for future newlyweds to consider. Bu first you ought to buy a calculator so you can see the mathematical stupidity of your decision. The divorce rate in this country is 50%!!! I would suggest you run as fast you can with all of your possessions while they are still legally yours. But to answer your first question on how much should you spend on an engagement ring? That decision should be made by your fiancé, since she’ll eventually pawn it to get some fast cash to buy an airline ticket when she feels the marriage is over. How much should you spend on the wedding? Nothing! Just go to a courthouse and make it legal with a marriage license. There is no rational reason to spend thousands of dollars feeding some in-laws, most of whom are objecting to your choice of “lifetime” partners. If you feel that they have to eat, Wendy’s and Taco Bell regularly has “two for Tuesdays”. And as far as the location for the reception, considering more and more spouses opt out of hiring a divorce lawyer when they want to be single again, and instead are choosing to solicit the services of a hit man, try renting a room at a funeral home. Because more than likely, one of you will wind up there at the other one’s hands, as the survivor during the memorial services wipes away their superficial tears, that is undoubtedly masquerading their smirk. I hope this helps.
Blake