Dear Blake,
My friend wears a retainer and removes it at the dinner table, even in restaurants. How do I tell her that it attracts a lot of attention and is gross to witness?
Signed, Martin
From Kenosha, Wisconsin
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Dear Martin,
What your friend is doing is disgusting and she has no etiquette. And as a “favor” to her, you should offer her (free of charge) an aggressive course in manors. Here are some ideas. The next time she sits her retainer on the table at a restaurant, pick it up, go outside, and toss it into traffic. And when it gets damaged, blame it on drivers that weren’t paying attention to what they were running over. Or, pay for her to have a couple of drinks, and when she gets loaded, staple the retainer to her gums. Or this idea. Flatten it with a hammer, and tell the next time she displays it next to menu, you’ll flatten the retainer while it’s still in her mouth. Lastly, try this. Put the retainer in a jar that contains something that she would find disgusting. And then insist that she takes it out, so you can spread the contents of the jar in your backyard to help the grass grow. I hope this helps.
Blake