Dear Blake,
When I visit my three grandchildren on Fridays, my daughter-in-law never offers me any refreshment — not even a glass of water or a cup of tea. She will eat in front of me and not offer me anything. I was taught that this is rude. Should I bring my own refreshment? (If I did, I would feel as though I would need to feed the whole family.)
I already travel quite far to get to her house — 45 minutes each way — and I bring snacks for the grandchildren. I visit them because it’s easier for my daughter-in-law to have me over than to haul the 1-, 3- and 6-year-olds out to my house. I would love to be invited to stay for dinner, but it never happens ahead of time. If I come at 2 p.m., then around 5 p.m. I “may” be invited, but I feel it is out of obligation, so I don’t stay. What should I do?
Signed, April
From St. Paul, Minnesota
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Dear April,
Your daughter-in-law is very disrespectful. In my view, the only thing you should do is make her feel like you wouldn’t give her glass of water, even if she was walking toward the gates of hell. Here are some ideas. The next time she eats in front of you without offering you anything, tell her that the meal she prepared smells like dog food, and hopefully she won’t treat her children like puppies by forcing them to eat her cooking. Or, tell her you want to take them out to lunch. But after you have all the kids in your car, pull off and call her saying that your car is not big enough for four people, and you’ll bring her back some leftovers, if not from your table, it will be from the nearest tables that has a few scraps that the previous patrons didn’t consume. Or this idea. Have an extremely big meal before you arrive, and begin belching when she starts dining without you, refusing to say “excuse me”. And this last idea. Text her you’re coming over and you’re bringing lunch. When you arrive, have a McDonald’s meal for you, and three kiddie meals for the children. When your daughter-in-law asks where’s hers, tell her that you left hers at McDonald’s to keep it warm, and she can go and pick it up anytime, just give the cashier her name… along with some money. I hope this helps.
Blake