Dear Blake,

A lonely friend who lives several hours away wants to visit me for a few days. He keeps bringing up the subject of visiting while I try to steer the conversation in another direction. My wife isn’t keen on the idea of someone she’s not familiar with staying with us.

I don’t consider us close friends, and I have never invited him to stay. I prefer he not visit, mainly due to my wife’s concerns. Is there a way to get him to stop asking without losing his friendship? I suppose I could live without the friendship, but I don’t want to hurt him.

Signed, J.R.
From Glendale, Arizona

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Dear J.R.,

I agree with you and your wife regarding a casual associate coming for a visit. But there are methods you can use to stop him for asking to come over, calling, or even mentioning your name. Here are some suggestions. Tell him he can come over, but to bring some work clothes. And explain that between your last two visitors, one collapsed from exhaustion, and the other one broke his leg when he fell while reroofing your house. Or, let him hear the sound of you stomping roaches and rat traps being set off. Or this idea. Ask him if he would need any help removing and replacing the engine in your car, and if he could eat while he’s working, to insure there are no breaks during the task. And lastly, this suggestion. Let him hear a “visitor” screaming in the background from being beaten with a whip from your wife, for not finishing washing the dishes in a timely fashion. And then ask him if he prefers to clean the plates with Joy, Palmolive, or Dawn? I hope this helps.

Blake