Dear Blake,
I’m married to a wonderful man, but his driving is very stressful for me. He usually drives 10 to 30 miles over the speed limit. Sometimes, he’ll approach a turn that’s marked 25 doing 48. His car has a large digital readout of the speed, and I can easily see it. If I say anything he gets very angry, and as he’s getting older — mid-70s — his reaction time isn’t optimal. Help! I don’t know what to do.
Signed, Harriet
From Miami, Florida
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Dear Harriet,
What your husband is doing, is extremely dangerous. Unless he has some training as a race car driver, you should literally slap some sense into him, hard enough to where his teeth rattles. Here are some other ideas. If he ever gets pulled over for speeding, tell the cop that your husband is a very good driver… when he’s not using cocaine. Or, begin praying outload and very loud the moment he passes the posted limit, and try to sound like some of the televangelists that are well known charlatans. Or this idea. Turn your entire body around where you’re facing him, and then start kicking him until he slows down. He’ll get the message after your fracture enough of his ribs, and part of his ribs puncture some vital organs. If none of those work, then try this. You should start driving, and be even more reckless than he is, to the point where he is willing to tone it down, if you will. But until then, treat as roadways; sidewalks, backyards, and put the pedal to the metal in cemeteries, no matter how many tombstones you knock over. I hope this helps.
Blake