Dear Blake,
I married a wonderful, thoughtful man 30 years ago. His family accepted me and were very kind, with the exception of his mother. She hardly looked at or talked to me. If she did talk to me, it was about her being too young to be a grandmother (I had three children from a previous marriage; he had never married or had children). She also would regale me with stories about how my husband got in trouble during his youth (he was a good boy, in my opinion).
So now we come to the present. Our two children and I have been gossiped about, treated like servants when we are with her and demeaned when spoken to, and my mother-in-law constantly tries to talk alone with my husband. I’m sure she’s trying to split us apart. Her abuse has separated me from his extended family.
Recently, I told my husband I am no longer visiting her because it has caused too much anxiety and depression. He is not supporting me out of fear of what she might do to him. Please advise.
Signed, Martina
From Syracuse, New York
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Dear Martina,
Your mother-in-law seems hell bent on destroying your marriage. In her case, I think you should exercise your rights, your lefts, and a few uppercuts. Here is my advice on how to handle her. When she tells you about some of the “terrible” things your husband did in his youth, tell her you often came to preschool drunk, and you were selling drugs to students as well as teachers when you were in the 4th grade. Or, the next time she says she’s too young to be a grandmother, telling she’s not aging very well, and she’ll appear to be the kids great grandmother in a few months. If you want to cause a rift between your husband and your mother-in-law, tell her that even if she secretly practices witchcraft, you do not believe as your spouse has emphatically stated, she can fly on a broom, because it violates several gravitational laws. And this last suggestion. Tell her you have a cousin that’s a hitman, and he owes you a favor. Then insist on details of her daily routines, plus you wanted her opinion of burial versus cremation. I hope this helps.
Blake