Dear Blake,
A year ago, my landlord asked me to move out of an apartment that I loved. I could no longer afford the rent, so I asked my son if I could live with him. He agreed without hesitation. Two weeks later, I packed up and moved.
At first, it was comfortable, but things started to change when I had emergency open-heart surgery. My granddaughter announced that she was moving in as well. Then here she comes with her boyfriend, expecting him to live there, too. My son refused at first but changed his mind. That’s when the constant screaming started.
Her boyfriend has a bad attitude. He bullies me when nobody is at home. Neither one works. They live on my son’s income. I’m running low on patience and strength. I’m 77. All I would like is to get better and have some peace and quiet. What do I do? Can you advise me?
Signed, Harriet
From Springfield, Illinois
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Dear Harriet,
Your son has no excuse for not giving you the peace you deserve, considering your age and medical condition. But, if you can’t get it by request, then you should aggressively get it by force!!! Here are my suggestions. Buy a bow and arrow, and start launching the arrows near them. Be sure not to hit them, alleging that your vision spontaneously becomes blurred, and you apologize in advance for the upcoming frequent “near” misses, while showing them how to make a tourniquet. Or, purchase a gun, and tell them shouting startles you, and you sometimes have flashbacks to a time when your home was being burglarized while you were there, and you have an overwhelming desire to blast the source of the noise. Or maybe this idea. When you get up in the morning, start eating non stop, until you’ve consumed everything in the house. Eventually, your son will demand that your granddaughter and boyfriend get jobs, or for them to accept that they will be “fasting” at least six days per week. And this last suggestion. Tell your granddaughter’s boyfriend, the doctor told you your heart is so bad, that you could go any day. Based on that, tell him you decided to “take out” anyone that irritates you because you have nothing to lose. I assure you, he’ll leave immediately and take you granddaughter with him. And don’t be surprised if you see your son packing his bags too. I hope this helps.
Blake