Dear Blake,
I’m 24, and I am getting married in a few months, and half of my bridesmaids recently colored their hair unnatural colors. Their new hair colors clash with the color of the dresses we’ve chosen as well as the overall theme of my wedding.
At first, it didn’t bother me because I used to have wild hair, too. I get it. However, I was once in a wedding where the bride asked me to keep my hair a natural color for her big day, and I didn’t have any issue with her asking. Now I’m wondering if that is the norm. I also know it costs an arm and a leg to color a full head of hair, so I’m afraid it would be awful of me to ask them to undo what they just did.
Because I’m new to the wedding scene, I feel like my bridesmaids should have run this by me first, since we have only a couple months left before my big day. Would it be inappropriate to talk to my ladies about their new hair colors?
Signed, Apollonoia
From Dallas, Texas
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Dear Apollonoia,
Because it’s your wedding, I think all the bridesmaids must honor your requests. But it’s important that you must be tactful into controlling those airheads with the rainbow locks. Here are some suggestions. Tell them you want to try something different and insist that they all wear Dallas Cowboy football helmets. Fans are pretty fanatic in Dallas, and all of the women in your age group are probably stupid enough to do it. This obviously resolves the hair issue. Or, tell them that a guest at the wedding has a personal vendetta against the Crayola Corporation, and has promised to backhand everyone with colored hair that triggers him. Or maybe this idea. Tell them that a representative of a billionaire, will secretly attend the ceremony, and plans on giving $10 million dollars to the bride with the prettiest natural hair. After the wedding and reception is over, tell them the representative thought they were all hideous, thus there we no winners. Finally, this last idea. About two hours before the wedding, have a spiked drink with the bridesmaids, that knocks them out. While they are sleeping, shave all of their heads. When they wake up, they will feel so humiliated and violated, that they will leave the wedding immediately in tears. If by some outside chance, one of them still wants to be in the wedding, tell them that no one wants to look at a cue ball with fake eyelashes. That comment alone should get her out of the chapel, out of your life… and into therapy. I hope this helps.
Blake