Dear Blake,
I’m nine years old and I really like trick-or-treating on Halloween. But every time I come home with a bag full of candy, my twelve year old brother always takes the best candy from me and eats it. I’m not a tattletale, so my parents don’t know that he does this to me every year. What should I do?
Signed, Bryan
From Milwaukee, Wisconsin
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Dear Bryan,
Trick-or-treating was always a lot of fun when I was a kid. Unfortunately, your insensitive boneheaded brother is ruining your whole experience. Here’s a couple of things you can do. Buy a lot of Ex-lax, and then re-wrap it with the wrapper of some popular candy. And after he eats it and you see that it is taking affect, go into the bathroom, lock the door, and take a shower for about three hours while he stands outside the door and squirms. But the best way to permanently resolve this problem is to take him to a haunted house in your neighborhood. When you both get to the front door, push him in and then say some insulting things about the inhabitants of the creepy underworld. The ghouls, goblins, and ghosts that live there will assume that your brother made the offensive comments and will apply their version street justice. You may want to bring some ear plugs, unless you’re confident that his blood curdling screams won’t inhibit you from enjoying the last time you see or hear from him again. I hope this helps.
Blake