Dear Blake,
I’m irritated by my neighbors, and I don’t know quite how to approach it. I live in a densely populated, but quiet, neighborhood. New neighbors moved in a couple of years ago, and after moving in, they hung a wind chime on their front porch. This isn’t your average wind chime. If I had to guess, the chimes are at least five feet long.
At first, I didn’t think much of it. These whimsical little melodies you hear every time the wind blows can be cute, I guess. But it gets quite windy here, and I’m constantly distracted by the loud, clanging chimes. I don’t want to be the type of person who knocks on their door and tells them how I feel. I was hoping you could chime in.
Signed, Josephine
From Athens, Georgia
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Dear Josephine,
Your neighbors may not know how noisy their chimes really are. And you must be so aggressive in showing them how irritating that sound is, that within a few days, they have a for sale sign on their front lawn. Here some of my suggestions. Anytime you hear those chimes, stand in front of their house and play a trumpet. And in this case, it’s best that you never had any lessons. Or this idea. Convince some local homeless people that every time they hear the chimes, it’s actually a dinner bell, and maybe you neighbors will get tired of a long line of bums, knocking on their front door, requesting a menu. Or maybe this idea. Light up some fireworks in your backyard close to their property, every time you hear their chimes, no matter what time of day or night you hear them. When they finally notice the pattern, they’ll take the chimes down and probably begin to subconsciously hate the 4th of July. And finally, this last idea. I believe that the quickest and most efficient way to handle this, is to take the chimes down yourself , and remove them one at a time. And you can do this from a distance… with a machine gun. I hope this helps.
Blake