Dear Blake,
I am writing this in the hope that the man of my dreams reads it. I don’t know how to approach him. He’s getting ready to retire, and I have fallen deeply in love with him as the years have gone by.
He’s a little on the chubby side (as am I), but his personality has always amused me. I find him staring at me out of the corner of his eye most days. Please help before it’s too late. I’m running out of time.
Signed, Joyce
From Orlando, Florida
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Dear Joyce,
I do not want to see possibly you lose the love of your life. But there are ways to deal with your “huge” crush (excuse the pun). Here are some suggestions. If you want to try to get him to notice you even more, go to Victoria’s Secret and ask them if they have any pork chop smelling perfume. You’re not sure how to approach him? According to you, your common denominator is your size, so approach him with what is likely both of your favorite type of literary works, which is probably cookbooks. Keep in mind, if you two get married and have children, your chubby genes will transfer to them. So early on, get your kids used to butterball jokes. Worst case scenario, he retires, without you expressing your feelings toward him. All is not lost! Because ff you want to “accidentally” run into him, all you have to do, is find the nearest McDonald’s to his home, show the employees his picture, and asked them what time does he come in on his countless daily visits. I hope this helps.
Blake