Dear Blake,
Years ago, my spouse’s friend “Valerie” invited us to lunch. I had never met her, but had previous contact with her through email. Valerie clearly did not like me. We sat over lunch for four hours, and during that time, although she sat across from me, she never looked at me, never spoke to me and never acknowledged my presence. It was humiliating and dehumanizing. Since we live in a different state, it was clear to me we would not be meeting again.
Well, Valerie has now renewed contact with my spouse through letters and emails, reestablishing old ties. I have asked her to not let Valerie back into our lives. I’m upset that she has accepted contact after how Valerie treated me. My spouse hasn’t addressed Valerie’s behavior, and at the time of the incident, I was asked to just let it go, which I did.
Now that Valerie has resurfaced, contacting only my spouse and addressing cards only to my spouse, it’s clear the “game is on” once again. My spouse has not supported my feelings and refuses to acknowledge Valerie’s rudeness during that luncheon visit.
I do not want to be friends with this person. My spouse has made clear she intends to remain in contact with this person and is not going to bring up “old dirt” with her. Am I wrong for asking her to forgo this friendship and not let this person back into our lives?
Signed, Rodney
From Helena, Montana
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Dear Rodney,
It appears to me that your wife is ignoring your feelings and discomfort. What you need to do, is to have a male friend of yours, give your wife the same medicine… in large doses. Here are some suggestions. Have a friend show you some pictures of his wife or girlfriend in front of your spouse, and for him to say that is what a real woman should look like, and anything less, is substandard. To really make the point, make sure the woman he refers to, looks nothing like your wife. Or, invite your friend over for dinner, and no matter what your wife cooks, tell him to say it wasn’t prepared properly, and then have him recommend to her some bestselling cookbooks. Or this idea. Tell him to ask your wife what’s the name of her beauty salon, so he can write them a bad review on Yelp. And this last idea. Tell your Valerie that you are going to play matchmaker and find the perfect man for her. And then let her see that you have compiled a list a men that will soon be released on parole. I hope this helps.
Blake