Dear Blake,
It seems I am a human landfill into which people dump their trauma. I’m not sure how this happened. It started three years ago, when an estranged friend called me and talked for more than an hour about what had led to him getting fired from his job. I was touched that he had reached out, and I expected us to resume our friendship, but he wasn’t interested in much more communication.
Later, a work acquaintance invited me to lunch and began unloading the awful trauma she had endured 40 years ago. It was a one-way conversation, with not even enough pause for me to politely reaffirm what was being said. We never spoke after that because I left the company.
Now, a new co-worker I haven’t made any personal connection with calls me a few times a week to “trauma dump.” I try to change the subject, but her stories of abuse and peril never stop. In fact, I can put her on speaker phone while I loudly go about my business at home, and she’ll continue talking. When she finally has had enough, she then abruptly ends the call.
I finally decided I’m done answering her calls. What can I do to ensure I am no longer seen as the trauma landfill?
Signed, Molly
From Syracuse, New York
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Dear Molly,
I understand your frustration of being a “trauma landfill”. Luckily for you, I know of some ways to stop these people from sharing their feelings with you, along with them deleting your phone number, and avoiding you like the plague/Covid 19/STDs. Here are some suggestions. Tell them you shared their issues with a friend of yours that’s a psychiatrist, and your friend concluded that they legally insane, and for you to stay far away from them over concerns for your safety. Or, tell them that you will now start charging them to listen to their problems, and they have to pay in advance, cash only. Or this idea. Start laughing at their problems, and the more traumatic, they harder you laugh. This level of insensitivity should emotionally shut them down, anytime they see you. Finally, this last idea. Tell them that you go to an anger management class, because you often punch people in the face that talk excessively. And to further enhance the illusion, if they speak for over a minute, put on sone brass knuckles. I hope this helps.
Blake