Dear Blake,
I just retired from the Army, and I strongly believe in respecting U.S. laws. Currently, my girlfriend is really angry with me right now because I didn’t get her anything on Valentine’s Day. I tried to explain to her that it’s not a federally recognized holiday, thus she overreacted because I had no legal obligation to do anything. What are your thoughts?
Signed, Calvin
From Melrose Park, Illinois
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Dear Calvin,
You are correct in that Valentine’s Day is to honor a spouse or lover, and not a nationally recognized holiday. However, your insensitive boneheaded attitude might have offended her to the point where she may be honoring you… on Memorial Day. Also, if you have one of those hard to spell last names, I would suggest that you contact your local newspaper to insure that there are no typos when they print your obituary, and for various articles during her trial you idiot. I hope this helps.
Blake