Dear Blake,
I have been a psychiatrist for over 30 years and a friend of mine asked me to read your “Weekend Edition Advice Column”. After reading the two you posted last weekend, I went to the archives and then read them all. I find your advice destructive, self-serving, and misguided. What is your educational background? I have no idea why any reasonably intelligent person would ever contact you.
Signed, Henry
From New York City, New York
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Dear Henry,
Your longevity in your career is admirable. I say that because most shrinks like yourself usually abandon their jobs because they can’t handle the guilt of ripping people off by regularly spewing imbecilic philosophical rants at $50.00 per hour. As I understand, many patients have to get therapy, just to undo the mental damage that some of you elegant speaking witch doctors have inflicted upon them. Will you be honest enough to admit that while they are laying on the couch spilling their guts, you’re usually sitting in an arrogant posture pretending to take notes, but you’re really making out a grocery list, or trying to determine how long you can bleed your newest sucker so you can double your car payments? I do have some advice for you. In your occupation always maintain good medical insurance, because it’s just a matter of time before one of the parents of your idiot patients is going to beat you to a pulp for blaming them for every problem their worthless child has experienced. And finally, you said you felt no reasonably intelligent person would contact me. Your letter to me bolsters your position, and on that point you’re emphatically correct. I hope this helps.
Blake