Dear Blake,
I’m 15 years old and I recently did some research on my family tree for a school report. To my shock, I found out that both of my parents have been wanted by the police for over 20 years, and they have changed their names several times. I often wondered why they both lived in so many states before I was born. What should I say to them, if anything?
Signed T,
From Phoenix, Arizona
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Dear T,
We all have done things in the past that we deeply regret, which is simply a human condition. In your case, I would seriously consider blackmailing your parents immediately. Your options are endless! As long as you have siblings, you won’t ever have to clean your room again, because your parents can make them your servants. And you don’t have to worry about doing any more homework, because that’ll be your mom and dad’s new job. Teenagers are always trying to get adults to buy them alcohol, and if you have done this in the past, this is no longer a problem. This new info also allows you to come to school late, if at all, or go to your classes drunk. However, if you genuinely love your parents and really respect them, I would strongly suggest that you be courteous and polite to them when you visit them in prison, after driving to the facility in the new car you bought yourself with the reward money you received from turning those two losers in. I hope this helps.
Blake