Dear Blake,
I have a mother that is the worst backseat driver on the planet. She criticizes the speed I’m going, my lane changes, and even the route I chose to go to a destination, even if it’s only one way to get there. I can’t take it anymore! What should I do?
Signed, Thelma
From Forest Park, Illinois
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Dear Thelma,
It is a fact that some people can at times be over analytical as a passenger regarding the driver’s choices on the road. But you are neither legally or morally bound to tolerate school yard bullying from some old bat, simply because you are her offspring. I’ll give you some options. Contact a computer geek that’s also mechanically inclined. You can have him rig an airbag that’s full of Jell-o, that you can have explode in your mother’s face when you feel she’s said enough. Or you can have him build some mechanical arms and hands that you can program to aggressively put some duct tape across her mouth when she starts to chastise you, and then have it ripped off after a couple of minutes. Or how about him making her seat electric (literally) so that anytime you want, you can send a couple 1000 volts through her body, making her feel like she’s been sitting on death row. But if you don’t have the money to pay someone to invent something for you, here’s something you can easily do. Simply remove the door and safety belt on the passenger side. This way, anytime she says something you don’t want to hear, make a sharp right hand turn. After a couple of time of her regaining consciousness while laying on a busy street, she’ll get the hint. I hope this helps.
Blake