Dear Blake,
In 1976 my pet collie left my yard because I forgot and to close the gate. Last week I noticed a man that lives a few blocks from me, walking a collie that I’m sure is my pet that went missing. Do you think I should sue him or contact the police?
Signed, Douglas
From Chicago, Illinois
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Dear Douglas,
Losing one’s pet can be very traumatic because they are often like members of the family. But if you really believe that your collie is alive and around 40 years old (that’s 280 in dog years), you have bigger problems than a lost pet. That mongrel would be so old, that every time it barked, its teeth would bleed. I urge you not to contact the police on this matter, because you may end up answering some of their questions in a padded room, devoid of sharp objects and things that can be used as a noose. I did some research on dogs, and I could not find any breed called a Methuselah Collie. In the unlikelihood that it is actually your dog from 1976, then it beat the odds, because Chicago is so violent, that the life expectancy for humans out there is 37. I hope this helps.
Blake