Dear Blake,
My husband loves to scuba dive, and that’s pretty much all he does. Anytime he’s not working, he’s beneath the waves. I see him less and less and it’s starting to affect our marriage. What do you think I should do?
Signed, Debbie
From Columbus, Ohio
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Dear Debbie,
Spouses with obsessive hobbies, can often be problematic in a marriage. And maybe it’s time you started playing hardball with that insensitive waterlogged husband of yours. You can sell all of his scuba diving gear to a local pawn store and then stage a robbery at your home. Tell your husband you contacted the police, and they told you that your home was probably robbed by the notorious “Jacque Cousteau Gang”. Or, inform him you recently saw on CNN, that the several people have been attacked by man-eating sharks in the place that he currently dives, and for some strange reason, they prefer men of his race and age. If those don’t work, then I suggest that you take an extreme measure. The deepest part of the ocean is Mariana Trench near Hawaii, and it’s almost 7 miles straight down. Persuade him to go for a dive in those waters, but first fill his air tanks with concrete. Once he drops in, problem solved. Don’t worry about him suffering, because as he continues to descend, the incredible pressures of the depth will eventually crush him until he’ll explodes. But the good news about that is, he will be providing nutrition for countless species of fish that are forever on the prowl looking for an easy meal. Also, if you have an old boyfriend that you never really got over, at that point it will be ok to contact him. I hope this helps.
Blake