Dear Blake,
I have been married now for a little over a year, and my husband and I are currently in the car with my mother-in-law, going on my dream vacation of crisscrossing the United States sightseeing. Unfortunately, my mother-in-law has turned the vacation into a nightmare. She is constantly tries to correct me, and anytime we disagree on something and I google the answer that proves her wrong, she shuts down and won’t speak to me for hours. I am writing this in the late afternoon, and she has spoken to me since this morning. Any suggestions?
Signed, Nicole
From Bellwood, Illinois
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Dear Nicole,
I’m happy to see that you are getting to do the travelling that you desired. But I feel bad for you because you will be in close quarters with some cranky old bat. However there is some great news! North America is vast, so your options to unload that witch is limitless! The first thing you need to do is to stop at a drug store and get some sleeping pills that you can put in your husband’s food. This way he’ll be napping when you want him to, and he won’t be able to hinder your plans. Pittsburgh has the most bridges in the United States. If you feel you can overpower your mother-in-law, simply toss her into the water (or whatever is beneath the structure). If you’re heading west, you can give her an inconspicuous “boot” after encouraging her to get close to the edge of the Grand Canyon for a good view. Death Valley in California is the hottest place in America. Put that old biddy out about 20 feet from your car after you arrive there, while you hold a bottle of water out of the window. As she walks toward it, continue driving to keep it slightly out of her reach. When she finally collapses and falls, then you can drive off . And here is some “legal” good news too! A husband cannot be forced to testify against his wife. Yahoo!!! But don’t be surprised after you confess to him that he commends you for your creativeness, and informs you that he wasn’t asleep when you got rid of his mother, and he was surprised that you didn’t hear him cheering you on. I hope this helps.
Blake