Dear Blake,
I don’t want to come off as a person with an overactive imagination, but our new neighbors that have recently moved next door, are some of the creepiest people I have ever seen before in my life. They never talk to anyone, plus the husband , wife, and four kids always have grim expressions on their faces. I live in an upper middle class part of town, and everyone on our block feels uneasy about the new residents. Do you think we are concerned over nothing?
Signed, Barb
From Hartford, Connecticut
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Dear Barb,
Your new neighbors could simply be feeling lonely because they don’t know anyone in town. But I have read enough Stephen King novels to know that is probably not the case. I would be in complete shock if they didn’t regularly abduct hitchhikers and stray dogs, and regularly put them through some unspeakable torture in their basement which has probably been converted into a dungeon. If you have a neighborhood watch, you people must be diligent and monitor these killers! Keep an eye on your local newspaper to keep track of who comes up missing. If you know anyone that works at Home Depot, see if they can pull any records to see if your deranged people next door has bought in shovels or duct tape, that could easily be used to restrain and bury bodies. But, sometimes “we” are just too judgmental, and maybe the new residents aren’t very social and want to be left alone. I think several people from your block should greet them carrying house warming gifts with a warm friendly smile. During that time, all of you should try to obtain their schedules, so you will know when the house is unoccupied, and then pay someone to bulldoze their home. Better safe then sorry. (Stephen King would be proud). I hope this helps.
Blake