Dear Blake,
I’m 9 years old and I really like going trick-or-treating. But every year when I come home, I realize I could have probably gotten even more. What can I do to get the most out of people?
Signed, Charlie
From Detroit, Michigan
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Dear Charlie,
I’m glad to see you enjoy this traditional annual autumn outing. But because you live in Detroit, you’re lucky people put candy in your bag instead of some of their delinquent utility bills. My first advice is for you to avoid trick-or-treating in run down raggedy neighborhoods, which means you’ll probably have to do it outside of the city. Try to find out where wealthy people live and/or gated communities. Either way, those residents will be suckers for my idea. Knock on their doors screaming at the top of your lungs, saying you fell down on their property and injured yourself. Limp as if you’ve broken a bone, or stagger as if you’re dizzy. Hopefully that will scared them into giving you money or a personal check that your parents can later cash. However, if they call your bluff and want to take you to a hospital, then act like you were somehow miraculously healed. One more important thing, do this only once. And when you get home on Halloween night, get on your knees and pray for forgiveness. Because if you live your life embracing my suggestion as a permanent mindset, eventually your greedy little butt will get tossed into hell. I hope this helps.
Blake