Dear Blake,
My mother-in-law drives me crazy! She is an antisocial, critical, know-it-all who can’t find anything decent to say about anyone but herself. Every time she comes to visit it puts such a damper on my relationship with my wife, it takes us days to recover. We have never really gotten along, but lately it has gotten much worse. She left yesterday after a week’s visit, and my wife and I didn’t talk the rest of the day. I try to be polite, but her constant bad behavior puts a damper on my best intentions. Please help!
Signed, Kirk
From Portland, Oregon
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Dear Kirk,
It’s very unfortunate that your mother-in-law creates this type of chaos in your household. But obviously something should be done to deal with this cantankerous old maid. Here’s a few ideas. Every time your wife tells you that your mother-in-law is coming over, book a flight… out of the country. Tell that you have always aspired to be a humanitarian, and you feel compelled to immediately help solve some of the problems in the Middle East, after going to Great Britain to assist them in repaving all of their roads so the cars will be driving on the correct side of the street. Tell her you’ll be back as soon as her mother slinks out of the front door. You can also also greet that she-devil with a face mask on, telling her that you think you contracted Ebola, and then demand a big hug. But my favorite idea is this. Set her broom on fire right before she takes off to go home. People looking up at the sky at night will probably conlcude that it’s just a shooting star. And it highly unlikely you will be linked to that cranky old woman being incinerated as she cackles and eventually crackles through the clouds, until she’s reduced to nothing more than a pile of wind blown harmless ashes. I hope this helps.
Blake