Dear Blake,
I am the mother of four year old triplets (all boys). Two of them are the sweetest most lovable children you’ll ever meet. The third one cries non-stop when he doesn’t get his way, has temper tantrums daily, and when we’re in a grocery store, he’ll destroy everything he can get his hands on if I don’t buy the snacks that he wants. I am at my wits end! A friend of mine that reads your advice column often, told me that you have given some pretty good/unique suggestions on how to deal with kids. Please assist me.
Signed, Faye
From Arlington Heights, Illinois
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Dear Faye,
Having triplets can obviously create their own set of problems. But you should not be subjected to constantly being irritated by that manipulative punk that popped out of your womb! Corporal punishment would be a good idea in this case, but it shouldn’t come from you. It should come from your other two kids. You should regularly encourage them to act as team and give the future loser a beat down every chance they get. Let them start watching MMA fighters on pay per view to perfect their tactics, even offering them expensive toys for clean knockouts. Or you could take that kid to a music recording studio and restrain him by tying him up. And then put him in front of a microphone while he’s wearing a headset, so every time that disrespectful little runt screams, it’ll be amplified in that headset causing discomfort, if not outright pain. Let him know that this is the tactic you’ll be using on him after every public outburst. He’ll walkaway from that studio at the conclusion of each session disoriented, and probably thinking he’s hearing train whistles for hours. And you can use that to your advantage too, by speaking to him really softly so he’ll be under the impression that he’s gradually going deaf. I hope this helps.
Blake