Dear Blake,
It is a family tradition to gather over my house every New Year’s Eve. However over the past 5 years, within an hour or so of my grandmother arriving, she gets roaring drunk and starts telling us some shocking stories about things she’s done in the past. From toddlers to adults, she has all of her hair standing on end. This is the only time she ever does this, and other than New Year’s Eve, she is a nice sweet mild mannered lady, and the following day she has no recollection of the prior evening. Any idea on how to confront her on this issue?
Signed, Leonard
From South Bend, Indiana
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Dear Leonard,
It is always good to be around loved ones as you bring in the New Year. But I believe that something has to be done about that rickety lush that ruining the gathering. Here are some options you should entertain. You can videotape her and put it on youtube, hoping for worldwide ridicule. Or once she gets intoxicated, try to get her say something that can get her arrested, and make sure everyone there has their story straight for the police report that can be used as evidence in her upcoming trial. But it’s also possible she may learn her lesson by not taking the risk of going back to jail, if the cops put her in a cell with a thuggish streetwise young female, that roughs her up to establish some street creds. And finally, her inability to recall the previous evening can be used to your advantage bigtime, because you can accuse her of anything and she can’t refute it. Tell her she can never come back over, because you have concerns that your dog (if you have one) will probably attack her on sight. And the reason why it is angry, because in front of everyone, she was so loaded, that she crawled around on all fours, ate all of the food out of its dish and the lapped up the water. Also explain that after a unanimous family vote, if this happens again, someone has to get “put down”, and you have no intention of losing your dog. I hope this helps.
Blake