Dear Blake,
For the past few months, I would go to a park around the same time every day. Lately this really attractive woman would come there around the same time during her lunch hour. We have been talking and laughing it up, and I know she really likes me, and the feeling is mutual. Here’s the problem, she’s an accountant at a really big company that her family owns, and drives a new Mercedes. We’re both 24, and I didn’t graduate high school or worked a day in my life. When she leaves, after we hang out, I collect cans so I can use the money to buy marijuana. I really like this woman, but I feel once she finds about my life, there will be no future for us. What should I do?
Signed, Walter
From Honolulu, Hawaii
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Dear Walter,
I can see that love is in the air. If the relationship is that important to you, the only thing that I can suggest that you do, is start lying through your teeth every chance you get. Here is something that can work to your advantage. Accountants are good with numbers and are notoriously stupid with relationships. She’s also a woman, and once they are really into a guy, they’ll pretty much believe anything. Tell her you work for the CIA, and you’re current cover is, to appear to be a worthless bum, this way you can just act natural. Explain that you also cannot expose your identity by leaving your fingerprints on cash or credit cards, thus it is imperative that you must always appear to be broke. As ridiculous as this may sound, the only thing she will really cling to, is the word “CIA”, which will make you even more intriguing in her eyes. And to finally really reel her in, tell her that you love her and want to get married. And if you can get you get permission from the Pentagon, the reception will be held in a submarine that is secretly patrolling the islands. One other thing, don’t sign a prenup. I hope this helps
Blake