Dear Blake,
I am 11 years old. I am not afraid of a lot, but I am afraid of being alone, intruders, ghosts, and bad things happening to my family. I can’t be the only one awake or I will not sleep at all. In fact I usually have to distract myself with a book until I can’t hold my eyes open anymore, and on a few occasions, I stayed awake two nights in a row. It is not that I am not tired because I am. It is just that I lie awake waiting for something horrible to jump out at me. Please help.
Signed, Norman
From Appleton, Wisconsin
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Dear Norman,
Kids your age always have fear, so you’re quite normal. But your specific phobias suggest you’ll probably grow up to be a spineless wimp. Your concerns over intruders in a small town in Wisconsin is ridiculous. Any intruder that would break in your home and cause you harm, are all few hundred miles south of you in Chicago. The only people out there that would ever hurt you, would be some fanatic Green Bay Packers fans that overheard you criticizing their team. And even the cops out there responding to the incident would likely put handcuffs on your corpse. To be on the safe side, you might want to get your parents to install a home camera system to detect any crazy Wisconsin natives. But as far as your fear of ghosts and staying up continuously, I have a solution that addresses both problems. Every night before you go to bed, drink a bottle of whiskey and that should knock you right out. If by chance you are awakened by some ghosts, if they don’t leave because they get irritated by your slurred speech, they’ll scram after you throw up on them. I hope this helps.
Blake