Dear Blake,
I’m a single man that has an ongoing problem of keeping a woman in my life. It’s because I have four small dogs that barks continually at almost anything, such as a knock at the door, my phone ringing, or even when I change channels on my tv. It is very irritating to my female guests, and rarely does any of them visit me twice. I love my dogs because I considered them to be my children, but I also desire companionship. What do you think I should do?
Signed, Frank
From Las Vegas, Nevada
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Dear Frank,
I can feel the frustration from your letter. But if you’re choosing those flea breading mongrels over a woman, than the only female you need in your life is a seamstress with a degree in psychology that will measure you for a strait jacket. It is completely understandable why women get turned off by listening to the irritating high pitched yelping of those canines, because if she were to marry you, she would feel jealous once she began doing the exact same thing in the form of nagging. Try this, sit them in front of a clothes dryer until you are satisfied that they understand how it works. Once they’ve grasped the concept, make sure they know that if they bark again for no reason, you’ll put them in there until their fur has enough static electricity to light up a digital billboard. However, if your heart is really torn about having a woman in your life and keeping your dogs, fortunately there’s a happy compromise. Just go to a taxidermist and they’ll explain the process. And since you have four dogs, ask them do they have group rates. I hope this helps.
Blake