Dear Blake,
There is a woman that lives a few houses down from me that I want to go out with. She’s really pretty and owns her own business. But here is my problem, I live at home with my parents, I haven’t had a job in years, and I’m always broke. I really want to date her, and I think she just might like me once she got to know me. Can you give me some ideas of a way to date her with me spending little to no money?
Signed, Emmitt
From Los Angeles, California
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Dear Emmitt,
You should not assume that the woman that caught your eye is shallow or materialistic. At the very least, you will provide her with a good laugh if you genuinely thought she would consider wasting her time with a perpetual loser. Anyway, I came up with a few ideas. Take her to an expensive restaurant, after you’ve convinced her that you’re a doctor. And rather than pay the bill, act like you just got an emergency call from the hospital and you have to go to perform some major surgery. Be sure and eat until you’re full (including dessert) before making your mad dash. Tell her that the reason why you are always taking public transportation, is because Los Angeles is in a financial crisis, and you want to contribute money in your own humble way to support the city you proudly call home. On the other hand, you might be looking at this all wrong because honesty is the policy. Introduce yourself and tell her the truth about your situation. And based on that info, she might be eager to date you, because studies have proven that there are plenty of women out there who find unmotivated penniless worthless lying bums like you, sexy. I hope this helps.
Blake