Dear Blake,
I’m 23 years old and I am ready to settle down and get married. My big concern is, marrying someone that I am intellectually compatible with. Do you think it would be inappropriate to ask someone that I was getting serious about, if they would be willing to take an I.Q. test? I really want our relationship to work.
Signed, Howard
From Eugene, Oregon
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Dear Howard,
I totally understand your desire to take steps to secure a solid relationship. And if the person you’re dating agrees to honor such a ridiculous request, that shows that they are probably even more desperate for a mate than you are. Looking at it from an I.Q. perspective, if you marry someone that’s a lot smarter than you are, they’ll always make you feel inadequate and will often remind you to keep your substandard opinions to yourself. If you marry someone that you’re a lot smarter than, it would be like having a pet that depends on you for their entire existence. If you marry someone of equal intelligence and neither one of you re too bright, then you two would be nothing more than a couple of idiots wandering aimlessly the rest of your pathetic lives. But you left out one important piece of information. What is your I.Q.? I’m torn between it’s either really high because you are analytical enough to desire what you can possibly do to maximize your chances for eternal bliss, or it’s really low because only a complete moronic twit like yourself would be dumb enough to think that dubious numbers can actually determine happiness. I hope this helps.
Blake