Dear Blake,
I have an ongoing problem with all of my friendships. They all have become so dependent on me that I am almost always emotionally and physically drained. I constantly have to take them here or there, solve their money issues, figure out solutions for their personal problems, etc. I am going out of my mind! Anytime my phone rings, it’s another demand that I have to deal with. I want to be compassionate, but collectively, they are going to cause me to have a nervous breakdown. Give me some advice… FAST!!!
Signed, Oliver
From Columbus, Ohio
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Dear Oliver,
Your desire to help your friends is truly admirable. But in this case, you have to draw the line somewhere in dealing with these insensitive leeches. And you can do this by trying to make them feel that you’re doing them a favor, by not helping them. Such as, if you have a friend who calls you to bail them out of jail for a DUI, tell them that because you value them so much as a friend, you want them locked up as long as possible to insure that they don’t get injured in a car accident. You can also take it one step further by testifying against them at their court appearance, telling the judge about the countless times they were loaded, got behind the wheel, and swerved home without being rightfully arrested. If you have a friend who’s car breaks down in a rough part of town, tell them that this is a great time to get some exercise, by sprinting to a safe upper middle class part of town, in which the police will be probably called because you’re sweaty, looking suspicious, and appear to be looking for a home to break in to, to steal items that can later be sold to buy drugs. Finally, if they are emotionally devastated because they got dumped and kicked to the curb, and they need to you come over to give them a shoulder to cry on, tell them that it’s best that they endue this alone. And then tactfully explain to them that what they are going through will help them grow as a person and build character, so they’ll be better prepared for their next time the person they are dating, gets tired of being involved with an emotionally needy indigent. I hope this helps.
Blake