Dear Blake,
I am 23 years old, and believe it or not, the man I am dating right now is my first boyfriend. We always have fun together, and I am the happiest when I am with him. I have never experienced these kind of feelings before, and I’m wondering if I am in love. How can I tell?
Signed, Amber
From Springfield, Illinois
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Dear Amber,
I think it’s great that someone brings you so much joy. But the true test of love is not happiness, it’s uncontrollable rage. When he doesn’t call you when he said he would, do you fantasize about backhanding while you’re wearing rings that can slash or slice? When you see him giving a another woman a double take, if you were sure he wouldn’t end the relationship, would you kick him in the groin? Frequently having thoughts of mangling a person that you’re involved is a genuine sign of a commitment. When he shows up late for dinner and gives you a ridiculous reason for not being there on time, after you slaved for hours over a hot stove, do you ever consider adding some “special” ingredients to his food, that will prompt doctors to have his stomach pumped and/or a priest giving him his last rites? If you feel all the things I’ve listed, remember potential acts of violence confirms that you are indeed in love. And as your relationship continues to grow and your emotions intensify, you’ll find it increasingly difficult to control these urges. So the first chance you get, I strongly suggest that you read up on sentencing guidelines judges are mandated to enforce when sentencing murderers for crimes of passion. I hope this helps.
Blake