Dear Blake,
I am scheduled to get married at a small chapel next week. After giving it a lot of thought, I have decided that I don’t want to get married and I have not yet informed my “husband-to-be”. I still love him, and I thought I was ready, but I now realize I want to wait another year or so. How do I tell him, and still keep him? I know this is a tall order. Can you help?
Signed, Margaret
From Las Vegas, Nevada
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Dear Margaret,
There is an old song about Paul Simon called “50 ways to leave your lover”. It looks like we have to come up with a few more. Because there is gambling everywhere in Las Vegas you live in, tell him you bet someone a $100,00.00 that you couldn’t delay your nuptials for one year. And after a year if you still want to marry him and he asks about the money, tell him the person you made the bet with was killed by the Mafia for not paying his gambling debts. Tell him you have an extremely rare disease that causes you to break out in hives if you wear a wedding dress, and you’re current taking medication that will cure you in around 12 months or so. But here is my favorite idea. Since your plan was to have the ceremony in a small chapel, go ahead with your original plans and date. If you have any future in-laws that you already can’t stand, splash some whiskey on your clothes so you’ll appear to be intoxicated, rent a bulldozer, and demolish the chapel… while they are comfortably sitting in it. With a good lawyer, you’ll be cited for a DUI and lose your license for a couple of months, and acquitted on manslaughter charges. Your fiancé may be angry with you on the outside, but on the inside he will think your actions were brilliant… and he probably plans on doing the same thing to your relatives that he can’t stand. I hope this helps.
Blake