Dear Blake,
I made the mistake of marrying a momma’s boy, which is driving me out of my mind! We have no kids and he does nothing around the house. When I make a sandwich for him, he won’t eat it until I’ve cut it in half. And worst of all, every time we get into an argument, he calls his mother, and she comes over to our place and automatically takes his side no matter what the issue is. I want my marriage to work, so what do you suggest?
Signed, Lisa
From Bismarck, North Dakota
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Dear Lisa,
Some men find it difficult to let go of the type of relationship they had with their mothers when they were children. But if he continues to act like a complete fool, you should seriously consider spanking him with a boat oar. Why are you cutting his sandwiches in half for him? Do you know how you deal with that? If he won’t eat it, let him starve! And if he still won’t eat because you won’t cut up his meal in kiddie portions, after he becomes anorexic, you can force feed him because he’ll be to weak and frail to stop you. For that wretched mother-in-law of yours, every time you know she’s coming over, contact some local thugs encouraging them to strip her car when it’s parked in front of your house. If she still insists on coming over, talk to an Army vet that can teach you how to toss hand grenades. The important thing is, treat that loser husband of your like a child every time he acts like a child. When he gets out of line, give him a timeout, and make him stand in a corner. And then with a running start, jump into him trying to force his head through the wall. And before you think that idea is over the top, Home Depot has sales on plaster on a regular basis so the cost will be kept a minimum. I hope this helps.
Blake