Dear Blake,
I will be going to college next year, and I aspire to get a degree in psychology because I would like to become a marriage counselor. I love observing couples in public, and I always ask myself “What’s their story? What’s going on in that relationship?” I wish I was perceptive enough to pick up on little things with a single glance. Is that even possible?
Signed, Wilbur
From Cleveland, Ohio
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Dear Wilbur,
Yes it is possible to draw conclusions about couples at a single glance. If you know how to interpret the signs, you can pretty see the wretchedness of people everywhere you look. If you see a couple holding hands, that’s usually a sign that one of them wants to run away, while the other one is desperate to hang on. You can tell which is which by getting a close up of their hands. The person with the fingernails marks on the top of their hands is the one that wants to scram, as the other digs in deep enough to regularly draw blood. When there is a candlelight dinner, the person that is constantly glancing at the flames, is the one that is regularly fantasizing about getting rid of their spouse by arson. Vacations for couples involving driving on long stretches of roads in unpopulated areas, almost always intensifies murderous thoughts. But celebrating birthdays is the most common form of evil. Because the happier the gift giver appears to be, the more likely it is they wish they could put a nearing expiration date on their spouses birth certificate. I hope this helps.
Blake