Dear Blake,
Next week I am getting married to a man that I genuinely love. We both went to two different colleges, and both of us were the captains of our debate teams. So here’s our question, could you give me some suggestions on how to win an argument after we get married? I heard you often give some really good advice.
Signed, Sheila
From Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
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Dear Sheila,
No one in a marriage ever wants lose an argument. But because of both of you are so skilled in this area, the only advice I can give you is to mercilessly use emotional manipulation to get the upper hand, and attack him when he’s the most vulnerable. For starters, you can loudly state some embarrassing intimate secrets about him in a long slow moving grocery store check-out line. This tactic is pretty effective and will usually persuade a man into agreeing to anything, in order to shut you up. Crying is a formidable weapon too, because men love it when their wives are pretty, and no matter how attractive a woman is, you all look hideous when the tears start to flow. Those monstrous expressions should more than enough for him to yield to your position. When you are preparing to go to sleep at night, make sure he knows that you want space between the two of you when you get into bed. This can be done by sprinkling in a straight line down the middle of the mattress, either broken glass or thumbtacks. You can also be wearing something sexy to further enhance his frustration. If you wanted to take it even further you could enjoy a sexy toy by yourself. But watch out for the weird hacking of sex toys. A friend told me that she did this once to frustrate her husband and a hacker got into her sex toy. This didn’t end well for her. But my favorite idea is to go on your front lawn and start screaming. Your neighbors will probably call the police, assuming he was physically harming you. At this point he will know he’s under a time frame to do whatever you want him to, and you can expedite your negotiations by showing him that you have a bottle of fake blood that you can begin to sprinkle over your face as you hear the sirens getting closer. I hope this helps.
Blake