Dear Blake,
I am 17 years old and about to graduate from high school. I am a straight “A” student, and I have been offered an academic scholarship from every prestigious school in America. I’m also very pretty, and I hope that doesn’t sound conceited. But here’s the problem, I’m miserable!!!! Girls don’t like me, because their boyfriends constantly stare at me. Boys won’t ask me out because they think I am so pretty, that I’ll eventually dump them for someone else. And they both don’t like me because I am such a good student, and they feel I like I look down on them, which is not true. I really want to be liked by my peers, but I have no idea what to do. Please help me… quick.
Signed, Marlena
From Lincoln, Nebraska
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Dear Marlena,
At one time or another, teenagers want to be accepted by their peers, and I get it. So if you want to blend in with the crowd, the only thing to do is to bring yourself down to the level of the typical high school student. For starters tone down your beauty by refraining from wearing make-up, so you’ll be more acceptable to your average looking and/or homely female classmates. Die your hair to a color that’s so weird, that it’s hard to put into words, and get a couple of well placed tattoos that are offensive to cause your parents to faint. If some boy likes you but you think he’s uncomfortable with your intelligence, always misspell words when you text him, until he eventually believes you’re an idiot. During lunch in the cafeteria, make sure you’re frequently seen having a shot of whiskey with every meal, while keeping your purse open that’s full of drug paraphernalia. Also consider breaking into a few lockers to get some street creds. There’s no rush to implement all of my suggestions, because if you intentionally flunk all of your classes and get arrested a few times, you’ll have the joy of repeating your senior year. I hope this helps.
Blake