Dear Blake,
One of the biggest joys in my life is spending time with my young grandchildren that are 5, 6 and 8. My son and I got into an arguments three years ago, and he won’t let me see them anymore. This is so depressing. I don’t think I have any legal right to see them, but emotionally it’s draining me. I heard you can be very clever with your advice. Help me out.
Signed, Andorra
From Bismarck, North Dakota
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Dear Andorra,
I am sure it is extremely difficult for you not to be able to see your grandchildren during their early development years. However, because this is when they are the most impressionable, you can use this to your advantage by turning them against their parents. Talk to them after they get dropped off at school, and tell them that they have an older sibling that was sold to some wealthy foreigners, just so your parents could catch up on some missed car payments. Put some marijuana in your grandchildren’s lunchboxes, and have them inform their teachers that their parents told them that smoking it will make them relax when they are in a spelling bee. Contact the FBI, informing that your grandchildren’s mom and dad are a threat to national security, after you went there when no one was home and hung some 24 x 36 pictures if ISIS leaders, along with detailed lists of bomb making materials. But the easiest way to resolve this problem permanently is to have the court award them to you, and you have an advantage because you live in North Dakota. All you have to do is figure out how to lure your son and his wife to unknowingly stand in front of an oncoming buffalo stampede. I hope this helps.
Blake