Dear Blake,
Earlier this year I was hit by a thunderbolt. Twice! It was love at first sight and second sight (and every sight). I’m at a marketing company. He’s at an ad agency. The relationship between our two firms has not gone well, and other than seeing him at two meetings—there was a lot of eye contact—our paths have not crossed again. I can’t get him out of my head! A friend told me, “You’ll bump into him again when the time is right.” But I’m afraid to let this pass!
Signed, Sandy
From New York City, New York
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Dear Sandy,
Love at first site is more often than not, emotionally jolting and extremely rare. And for this very reason, you are probably currently psychologically disoriented, thus you can’t be held legally responsible for your actions regarding your attempt to nurture this relationship. Wait for him at his car after he gets out of work, and then threaten to harm yourself, if he doesn’t follow you to a jeweler to pick out an engagement ring. If he’s reluctant, threaten to harm him too. Tell him that if he doesn’t promise to start dating exclusively you, you’ll put pictures of him on billboards all over the city stating that he’s proud to be a transgender. Suggest to him that both of you swap company secrets, inform your bosses of the vital info, with each of you getting promoted as you laugh all the way to the bank while playing both sides of the fence. And if you two get caught, there’s still a bright side. Even if the both of you are permanently blackballed in the marketing and ad industry in the Big Apple, you’ll still have each other. The love will still glow as you walk hand in hand glaring into each others eyes in Central Park, unemployed and homeless in raggedy clothes, unable to sleep at night while sitting on a park bench due to the irritating noise of listening to each other’s stomach’s growl. I hope this helps.
Blake